— Take our free 2 minute quiz to figure out what kind of chance you have of winning your ex back. The Psychology Behind Dumpers Remorse
Today were going to be talking about the psychology behind dumpers remorse and why I think it is one of the most important things that you need to create if you want your ex back. Without a doubt one of the biggest questions I get asked is how do I create dumpers remorse, but first we must understand what dumpers remorse is.
Simply put, dumpers remorse is a situation where you ex breaks up with you and then a few months afterwards regret their decision. So, dumpers remorse and regret go hand in hand.
Regret
The first thing we need to talk about is regret, and why people feel regret. What’s interesting is when scientists were looking into people’s regrets, two things kept coming up at the top of everyone’s list;
Education
Romance
So, what can this teach us about regret?
One thing that scientists noticed was that regret seemed to persist in situations where there was a chance of positive action occurring. In other words, something good could happen if they went back and revisited or tried to reclaim that regret.
This makes sense to education because later in life we can all go back to school and get an education and it can also make sense in the opportunities of lost loves. We can think back to a particular relationship and regret not see the value in it at the time and tend to want to revisit it and potentially make something work.
How long it takes people to start having regrets
This is one of the most difficult questions to answer as there is two factors that come into this
The first is does your ex feel any remorse for ending the relationship
The second was if you had the type of relationship that was worth remembering
Creating a timeline for regret is impossible as every situation is unique to itself. If there is one rule of thumb that I want to leave you with is that a missed opportunity is going to create regret. Make your relationship feel like a missed opportunity.
There are different types of decision processes that happen to make us regret something and I would like to break them down to help you understand the psychology behind regret.
Psych Process #1 – Timing
How long has it been since the break up?
How long did your relationship last?
How long has it been since the two of you last talked?
One thing that we do know with creating remorse enough time has to have passed to make them feel that they missed an opportunity. What if I was to tell you that on average that our success stories are taking around three to six months to get their ex back and that is from the moment that they implement the no contact rule.
Psych Process #2 – Context
This goes back to where I was talking about the depth of the relationship, there is a difference between someone who was with their ex for one year compared to someone who was with their ex for a month. It can also go into things like;
Was there cheating involved?
Was it a long-distance relationship?
All these things matter to determine if there is a dumpers remorse in play. This is why context of the relationship is so important, how much experiences that your ex had with you and how they felt during the relationship. A lot of clients take their own experience from the relationship and don’t consider their exes. If you have had times with your ex where they said that they have never felt like that before then that is good, but we need to remember that it’s not the words that they say but it is the actions that they take.
Psych Process #3 – Opportunity Cost
This comes down to your ex thinking if they take that time spent with you and offer it to someone else is that experience going to be better. Oftentimes we find that the person who has this has already taken the action of breaking up with you and moving on to someone new. We also call this the grass is greener syndrome they think that the grass is greener with someone else and after some time goes by the realise that they had it better before.
Psych Process #4 – Self Interest
We have all heard the expression when emotions runs high logic runs low, but believe it or not we do try to make decisions logically. But as we make those decisions we use emotions for that main reason for that decision.
Coaching link -
Pro link -
Facebook support group -
Texting bible link -
The no contact rule link -
0 Comments